“Cancers of the Mind: Comparing, Complaining, Criticizing.”-Week 2
― Jay Shetty, Think Like a Monk: Train Your Mind for Peace and Purpose Every Day
“Don’t be overheard complaining…Not even to yourself.”
— Marcus Aurelius, 8.9
When did complaining lead to a good outcome? It may feel liberating in the moment, “I’m so glad to get that off my chest”, but does it ever make the situation better, or solve the problem, or even make you happier? So why do we do it? More importantly, how can we stop?
Typically, complaints occur either before or after disagreeable encounters. People may complain about the hard day at work they just had; whine about an upcoming party where we “won’t know anyone.” For the most part, the expectation is to receive active encouragement from our listener or the reassuring, “I know”, was written by Dr. Thomas Hendricks, Psychology Today 2022. At times people may think they are building relationships with others, getting someone to agree with you about the awful weather, politics, or work conditions.
But what about those people who make their life work complaining? Problem focused instead of solution focused. Whatever they complained about last week is now resolved, so they move on to something else.
In my own experience with complainers, I learned they do not want my advice, so I don’t give it. Instead try just listening, then ask, “what do you think you should do?” I will even say, are you looking for my thoughts, or just want me to listen? We cannot change anyone else, but we can alter our response. It will leave you feeling calmer after the interaction.
If you recognize yourself as a complainer, then ask yourself the question, why is this situation so upsetting for me? Then step into learning more about the solutions and seeking genuine advice from a knowledgeable person. Not the person who will just agree with you.
"A Complaint Free World: that will change your life; The 21-day Challenge That Will Change Your Life. “ Will Bowen, the author, offers to readers a purple plastic bracelet, along with his take on how complaining creates a more negative outlook. Participants will attempt 21 consecutive days without complaining (switching your bracelet) and starting over if you complain. The goal is to rewire your mindset. I did this challenge, and it made me aware of my negative thoughts, I’m not a person who complains. For me I saw a real benefit to the exercise. You can watch his videos online and wear any bracelet to attempt this exercise.