“Cancers of the Mind: Comparing, Complaining, Criticizing.”-Week 3

― Jay Shetty, Think Like a Monk: Train Your Mind for Peace and Purpose Every Day

"Making other people wrong, rather than criticizing their actions, creates an enemy in one's mind and strengthens unconsciousness.”

-Eckart Tolle

This week the focus is on the cancer of the mind, criticizing. In Tolle’s quote he suggests when we feel someone has done something that hurts others or themselves, we comment on the action not the person. For example, your child writes with a crayon on a table. We won’t say you are a bad boy/girl, we would comment on the behavior. Writing on the table is wrong, it destroys it, where can we use a crayon? This makes sense, but when it comes to another adult, we are more reactive. We think they should know better! Comments such as, are you stupid, how could you forget to get off at this exit, now we will be late! Now that statement attacked the person’s character, which in turn will make them resentful or angry. It no doubt will escalate into another argument. The first step is to recognize when we do this, the jump to criticism. Then we can start the process of change, pause, take a breath and then respond. I always ask myself how important is this for me to correct? I work on not being “right”. It is a practice.

This can apply to individuals generally, as many of the people I have taught tend to be self-critical. Comments such as, I am a bad mother, I am an idiot for losing my keys again, I am so afraid at times, are not helpful and are harmful. This negative self-talk keeps us down and can create the spiral downward. Replacing the “I”, with you or your first name has been researched to change to a more positive mindset. Try this, “I misplaced my keys again, I will take a breath and think back to the last place I saw them.” Then act to always put them in the same place. Small steps to big changes.

This is informal mindfulness—simply noticing what we're doing in each moment.